At the top

I hadn’t been able to sleep the night before.  Not helped by the midnight text messages from Ewan who was himself in a flap, mainly because he had a number of things he wanted to bring from his house before he met me at the airport.  We were going to his holiday house near Loch Bervie in north west Scotland.

We took the scenic route  stopping at Corrieshalloch Gorge and Ullapool.   When we arrived we unpacked the car and then we were out again – this time to Oldshoremore Beach.  It was a mild day and apart from two walkers, we saw no one else.  I took pictures of this and later the harbour fish market.  I had been prepared to be bowled over but nothing like this.

Ewan has a lot of knowledge about the surrounding land to share.  It was fascinating stuff and interesting .  I was also curious about his personal life and asked him about his relationships.   He was quite happy responding to my questioning and later in the evening I was myself quizzed about my sexual history.

I had too much to drink and nurse a hangover the following morning.

Left on my own whilst Ewan tinkered with his boat I listen to some radio and try to write.  But the stories I began last month refuse to take shape and I fell into a reverie, reflecting on anxiety, dating, relationships, Jan, Ramon and Michael.  What demons still lurk as a result of my marriage breakup which might still need exorcising?

in the cold light of day

The following day she received a message from MJ –

Hi beautiful Asian princess,

If you read this message, meet me at 15:00 at the station, where we took the metro yesterday, upstairs by the entrance.


 It flattered and amused her that she was still in his thoughts.  On the walk to the little mermaid she wondered again whether she would still like to meet him.  There was the adventurous and impulsive side of her who said yes, go ahead – you may never have this chance again.  The more mature and circumspect part of her cautioned against it and the old self-doubt with low self-esteem reminded her that she would only appear ridiculous – her mature years next to his youthful visage and demeanour.

In the end curiosity and a sense of (mis)adventure prompted her to reply –

Well in the cold light of day you might think differently about me 😉. 
All right I shall meet you at street level next to the metro.

They walked about the city and after half an hour of aimless meandering he mustered the courage to propose a different outing –

I just want to whisk you away from this crowd.
Really?  Where to?
How do you feel about a party?
Tell me more – what kind of party?

When he told her it was a swingers’ club, the disappointment she felt at the revelation rather surprised her – what did she really expect from this young man – obviously sex was his sole purpose for striking up a conversation with her.  And her conscience dug deeper – sex and material advantage perhaps?

So in a coffee bar next to yet another tourist site they kissed their goodbyes and said their well wishes.  He left to look for another more amenable encounter and she wondered how much alcohol might have been the reason for her open responses of the day before.

A message from Jan asking her how she was doing whilst she sat at the bar nursing another coffee inspired a flurry of exchanges after she sorrowfully declared that she now had proof that she looked old enough to be a sugar mummy, having just been propositioned by a man who appeared half her age.

He reminded her that half a year ago she might not have been so reticent at the young man’s proposal and asked her what had changed – and so soon.  She had no answer for him – there could be any number of reasons and the combination of them:

1. She had recently broken up with Goran but was not in need of rebound sex.
2. She was in a strange city.
3.  She did not fancy the young man because he was too young, he had come on to her and made it too obvious – she liked doing the chasing…
4. She wanted more than just sexual encounters.
5.  She was not ready to open her heart or proceed with courage.
6.  Swinging sex was not appealing at this stage.
7.  She had only one condom on her and that was an insufficient number.

She realised that she was being silly and decided to return to the apartment.  When she arrived she saw a message from Goran.  With her heart racing, she read it and …