Sex only, please

A recap of the week – met up with Tomas – not much happened apart from some sensuous stroking of each other’s naked bodies.  Some alcohol was imbibed – he’d brought champagne, which tasted delicious drunk from various parts of the other’s body.  No one interrupted our afternoon tryst and we said goodbye at the end of it.

Someone new, just a few months older than me wrote from the dating app and he seemed interesting enough for me to suggest a first and then second meeting. He had lived in Russia a couple of times which was experience enough to modify his initial (militant!) left-wing leanings.  Anyway, we fell into bed together almost from the beginning, at the end of the first date in fact; after the hit and miss, mostly miss efforts of Julius and Tomas, I was in sore need of some real action in the bedroom department.  This new man was keen and happy enough to be thus employed and it was a welcome break not having to worry about the complication of emotional connection.  I liked how he aroused me and was gratified that he proved sufficiently virile to initiate sex and orgasm no less than four times overnight.  We made a third date next week and perhaps it will become an almost certain pattern of once or twice a week, until I tire of him, or he me …  who knows.  I hesitate to give him a name, but ever the optimist that this may last a little longer than the usual, it would be apt I think if we all knew him as Alexander.

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Epiphany

6th September 2016

Bade Julius goodbye today outside the tube station – this was after a date that ended with a sleepover.  He’d invited me to meet his friends on a canal walk last Sunday.  Complications with other things in our life meant that it didn’t end with either of us spending the night together – in my case I had work the next morning and in his he had to untangle himself from a relationship which did not have a promising future.  When we met up the following afternoon he still had not quite completely ended it, treading the fine line between saying no and not wanting to hurt.  I was uncomfortable when he tried to unburden himself as I tend to subscribe to a firmer method of rejection. We went for a ramble around Golders Hill park and supped at Eat Tokyo.  The evening walk with the dog on the golf course saw some al fresco nookie.  It was pitch black in the woods but the golf course itself was lit where a few houses backed onto the links.  We started off kissing there and moved on to a more sheltered area.  In any event the dog stood guard and would have warned us if anyone had happened upon us.  According to Julius it was his second experience of outdoor sex.

9th September 2016

Since the last time we met up in the Scottish Highlands at the beginning of summer, June to be precise, I hadn’t seen Ewan who came down the previous evening.  He was fairly ardent in his approach, claiming a dearth of suitable bedmates and so we had almost a quickie post-prandial, after which we enjoyed a siesta.   Later that evening we tried out the Ab Fab party venue in west London: under a starlit sky we swam in our birthday suits in the pool and made friends.  In a public room, i.e. one where spectators could look through we indulged in a fairly organised orgy with two other couples.  It was my first experience of a woman who squirts during orgasm.  One of Julius’ lovers does that and he claims it is a nuisance.  The woman at the sex party was a lovely friendly warm person as was her partner and post coital, as it were, were both happy to impart some advice for us swinging newbies.  I think Ewan had a lovely time of it and not feeling particularly emotionally attached to him I was able to indulge in the whole experience without any attendant angst.

I fully empathised with Julius’ feelings of insecurity and the following afternoon arranged to meet him at his after work.  I had work the following day and didn’t stay the night.  We discussed further how we felt about each other and confirmed that we were both fairly comfortable with the idea of our dating/sleeping with other people.  He asked me whether I had any opinion about his considering closing his dating profile on the app and I told him that it was his decision to make and I would not presume to ask him to do so.   I added that apart from Tomas, I was not chatting to anyone else.  As someone once said, they were poly-saturated and I felt fairly sated by the choice lovers I am in contact with.

He continued to tell me that I was desirable and earlier this afternoon, after several risqué message exchanges with Tomas, I began to realise that perhaps men really did want to take me to bed.  And perhaps that is all, … and that is really quite enough and almost an epiphany for me.  Perhaps it didn’t matter after all – the aging, the wobbly bits, the less than symmetrical features, the loose skin, the silver strands amongst the ebony.  Some men – Julius, Tomas, Goran (whose own domestic issues continue), Ramon, etc… desired me.  But not Michael anymore it would seem – we had met at a family event with some of our children in tow and our relationship is friendly and warm.

I went to the poly-cafe in Warren Street with Max yesterday evening for a book club meeting, the book being The Ethical Slut.  There was a nice balance of people at different stages of polyamory and we talked about our experiences and relationships.  I recognised one other person I’d met previously when I arranged with Goran to meet there one Saturday afternoon some time in early summer this year.  It felt reassuring to be a part of a group whose chosen relationship lifestyle mirrored mine.  Max was in fragile mood and I gave him a few warm, close embraces when he asked me for a hug.  I am wary of becoming attached to him but am not so unfeeling as to deny him warmth.  He is more than an ex-lover and I feel a strong fondness towards him.  It’s strange how I am no longer giddy over any of my past or even present lovers but continue to feel a bond with some of them.  I still adore Julius but can sense my infatuation passing as he tells me that he is still meeting new women – including one last night and another this evening.  Reluctant to be hurt by someone who has the potential to unsettle me my survival instincts kick in and I take the initiative with Tomas this afternoon, asking him for a preview of his back torso, gambling on the possibility that he would ask for one of mine in return and he did not fail me.

This is the picture Tomas sent me earlier today in a bid to convince me that he was not as curvy as the Felix Vallotton nude who has a coquettish profile.

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Felix Vallotton’s nude

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Three little words

Spectacles

Yesterday afternoon we met for a picnic on Primrose Hill before going to a one woman comedy gig – Spectacles with Sue Perkins.  Julius had seen her on QI, I’d heard her on Radio 4 and seen her on TV presenting some show or other in the past and lately she has become the darling of a younger audience due to the Great British Bake Off.  It was fun, light with glimpses of a happy past/childhood and Sue could be side-splitting.  There were free drinks and crisps and nuts and I had some red wine which emboldened me to heckle her from the front row!

Later that evening we came back to mine and between a gentle embrace and intimate, soft kisses, he told me he loved me.  I cannot quite believe that I have become the sort of woman who can excite such a well of feeling and deep tenderness from a man.   He said that what he feels is not mere lust – we’d both experienced that at the beginning and now, with the increased frequency of our dates – one every other day, our mutual attraction has developed into something of greater substance than pure sexual titillation.

Earlier that afternoon, we had talked with simple honesty about our past and current lovers.   He wanted to know if I felt jealous that he might meet anyone new and I took the opportunity to assure him that I didn’t and that I too was in a dalliance with Tomas for example and would probably resume sleeping with Goran again in the future when his marital storm abated.   We both agreed that neither of us subscribed to the notion of ownership of each other.  Although Julius might’ve referred to me as “his girlfriend” to some of his friends, he had merely done so as not to have to go into any great detail the concept of ethical non-monogamy to people whom he knew were more comfortable in orthodox relationships.

This morning my lover continued to marvel at how I had turned his daily routine on its head – with morning intercourse – both social and sexual – before coffee – quite unheard of in all his many years, followed by walks with dog and his getting home before midday.  Having kissed our goodbyes I went to work glowing with warm remembrance of my lover’s considered declaration.  He loves me!

Ramping it up

Julius asked me if I might be interested in a threesome with him and a nineteen year old.  The saucy little minx had sent him some rather delectable pictures of herself in very suggestive poses.  One had her legs apart for example and another with her back to the viewer but her face in profile and her medium length fringe covering part of her eye.  It was most definitely a come hither look if I ever saw one.

Of course I said yes but I did wonder whether she was really nineteen.  To me she looked far too young to be engaged in the sort of debauchery we had in mind.  And was she really who she says she is?  I asked him when she fancied this threesome but have yet to hear back.  It all sounds far too good to be true.

Your feminine ways

Yesterday afternoon I took Julius to see the Kjartansson exhibition at the Barbican.  He too found it magical in its full immersive experience.  We went into the room with the 9 video harmonising installation where the feminine is celebrated in music – the idea of individuality and celebration of togetherness makes the theme of divorce even more poignant. There were other displays but we chose to watch this twice, in all its 64 minutes.  On both occasions it felt right to embrace occasionally.  Although I first saw this with Tomas last week and we enjoyed our first kiss here, I felt a profound sense of closeness experiencing this artwork with Julius.  I was glad that he found it all as enchanting as I did.

There wasn’t a plan for him to stay the night with me but after the exhibition ended at 6pm he showed me where he worked nearby and we spent a contemplative moment in Cardinal Hume’s garden of peace before going around Bunhill Cemetery to pay a visit to William Blake’s memorial.  A quick pint each of Seafarer’s at the pub opposite and I remembered that the cupboard at home was nearly bare, so we nipped into a small supermarket for some supplies.  By the time we got back and I’d made dinner and then we had our cuddle, we were both too exhausted to move and in the end he spent the night.  It was lovely to wake up together, although being the more morning person I was restless at the crack of dawn and had to take the dog out for a walk on my own.  Climbing back into bed later, we had another close and intimate embrace before breakfast.

Julius tells me that he feels very tender towards me – I asked him if this had anything to do with the fact that he is so much taller or older than me but he denied it saying it was more to do with how I am.  I suspect he is from an era where men behaved in a chivalrous manner towards women and I feel very fortunate that we have grown so fond of each other so quickly.  Doubts about how long this is likely to last no longer trouble me.  I told him that Ewan was coming down from Scotland in a few weeks to visit me.  He asked if I’d like to take some time out from him to entertain Ewan but I reassured him that I was only meeting up with Ewan for a day and night.

When we said our goodbyes on the tube platform later we knew that it wasn’t long before our next date.  Somehow we have managed to increase the frequency by one date every couple of days!