he loves me, he loves me not, he …

Jan came round the other night.  We met at the Eastern European watering hole opposite the tube station and had a beer each.  Poland was playing Portugal on the two screens and there was a rousing cheer when the former scored the first goal.  We discussed the Brexit fallout.  It was unavoidable.  We generally agreed about most things except on the leadership question.  He was more for a centrist/populist candidate and I still hoped that the current one of the opposition might still do.

When we eventually repaired to the Korean up the road we were already discussing other things.  His relationship with his NW came up.  He told me that she was deeply jealous of me.  I couldn’t think why – he very often cancelled arrangements with me in order to do stuff with her.  It was only recently when he sort of asked me whether I thought we might stand a chance living together that set me thinking what our relationship was about.  And when I remember being let down – the first time over Copenhagen and then the other minor incidents, culminating in the recent theatre debacle – and wonder at how he dances to this NW’s demands, that I think we won’t be any good for each other.  He has been around for me some of the time, but recently we have been seeing less of each other.  All the same, when we do get together, it is always enjoyable, comfortable and I don’t feel as though I need to hold back on my opinions or temper my words.

And in spite of the amount of alcohol consumed, we enjoyed a passionate embrace before falling asleep together.   He is a thoughtful lover and takes his time to ensure that I want for nothing more before reaching his own climax. And so it was quite late by the time we slept.

Still, I long for someone to fall in love with me and I them.  And I think Jan and I now have that long term familiarity and friendship which makes it unlikely that we might ever experience the silly giddiness of infatuation with each other.

The following day I find a message from Liam apologising for not being able to sustain the escalation of our relationship.  We only used to meet up every other week but since my return from the highlands we have yet to see each other.  Undaunted I tell him that I was perfectly happy to meet up for movie and dinner dates with the occasional sleepover.  I hoped we might resume that undemanding pattern we had with each other and he replied that he was in agreement with me.    I don’t know what made him think that we were on the next level relationship-wise.  Perhaps I should ask him when we next meet.

In a relationship with …

Hey congratulations.


Er … what for?

It turns out that he wasn’t expecting Facebook to make his relationship status so public. Which explains the stepped up frequency of emails from his stalker woman. He being Michael, the ex. The stalker woman, despite living on another continent manages to wreak minor havoc, contacting most of his friends and attempting to besmirch his good name. I take the high road in this and bin her hysterical emails.

Back in calmer waters my own paramours have all taken a back seat. Ewan is now busy spending summer holidays with his children and ex. I don’t want to be a part of that and apart from the occasional whatsapp messaging, commiserating over the Brexit fallout, we maintain our distance – he in the windswept and often dreich north and I in the capital down south enjoying brighter days. Jan too, having hinted his very English proposal has gone quiet. And neither does Liam have any time for me, not even bothering to reply to my latest text message. I don’t sit patiently by … although I’m less antsy this year compared to last, … instead, I find myself being tempted back by Goran. It is an evening purely for physical gratification and after a night of raw passion I am happy to throw my lot in with the sex positive campaign.

agony aunt

24th May 2016

Dear Sally

Hot on the heels of an impromptu date with Jan on Sunday evening was one with a lovelorn Goran on Monday evening.  I was curious to hear how his love affair with NW was shaping and caught him in a state of desolation – NW was playing cold over the weekend after a hot midweek date.  Still he made a valiant effort to cheer up and took me out for dinner at The Modern Pantry in Clerkenwell before a pint of science event –  the second presentation was the more interesting of the two talks.

Walking back Goran suggested that we might repeat the dinner date at some point in the future.  At the end of the evening he kissed me goodbye at the entrance to my tube stop and I was mildly disappointed that he hadn’t asked to come back with me.   Still, he was in love with someone else and I was only currently filling a need he had for attention.  Living so far apart from each other, I tell myself that I should just let him go.

The previous evening when I had gone up to his, Jan had hinted that we might live together.  We are both also fairly similar in our general outlook but I am not sure whether he would be a good or reliable partner for me.  Still it has made me begin to think about simplifying my life.  He had rather unromantically invited me to have sex with him and so I asked him to kiss me first, which he did.  We ended up in bed for a lovely romp – is it our first this year?   I am very fond of him but continue to have doubts about living with anyone.

Well, so maybe I won’t go out on the second date with Sergei, and maybe I’ll stop seeing Goran altogether.  It still leaves Ewan and Liam, who are both fairly nice men.  My reason for seeing Ewan is purely selfish.  He lives in a part of Scotland I’m curious about.


Last night Sergei cancelled our date and I put him off postponing it to next week.  He tentatively suggested the following week and I was noncommittal in my response.  In any event I felt neither disappointed nor relieved, although to be honest, perhaps a bit of the latter because I had considered cancelling it myself.

Ewan responds to my whatsapp messages with pleasing alacrity – but when he called me last night to chat, I was reminded again how long-winded he could be and considered that I was being uncharitable in my reaction.

Jan canvassed my opinion on a work-related drama amongst a few of his colleagues and I felt happy that he did so.  What with playing agony aunt to both him and Goran at the present I wonder if I have burnt my romantic chances with them, not quite regretting so much the consequence with the latter as with the former.  I invited Jan to mine this evening but he declined regretfully, citing work commitments.  ah well. que sera


These men

Back after her travels, the spring warmth greeted Amy and so did Jan, the first one to sleep over the first day she got back and they spent the following day rambling the vale and lunched at the Brew House in Kenwood.  After platonic farewell kisses she spends the weekend in the company of Michael.

Of an evening Amy continues to text chat with Ewan and Goran.  A new man, Sergei makes a date with her for Monday evening and Goran on Wednesday.   The time out has mended her broken heart and they fall into an easy, less frequent to and fro.  He tells her that he has recently fallen unsuitably in love and talked out of making a fool of himself by his wife.  The story of his complicated relationships continue and I am glad that Amy got out of that drama without too many scars.

She got in touch with Liam who arranges to meet up again the following Tuesday.  So these are some of the men in her life now.

18 May 2016

Shagged by two different and not so different Dutchmen, both married, indulging in some extramarital, one openly and the other surreptitiously.  Young men continue to write to Amy, her profile now challenges the men to step up, but no one really has.

Liam took her out for a film and dinner, they shared the bill, like the feminists they are.  He took her up to his office, on the top floor of an eleven storey building and they kiss there.  He was quite turned on, as was Amy, and even though he asked if she wanted to spend the night with him, she turned him down.  They make another date for the end of the month and I wonder what might happen.

Amy bought a ticket to go up and see Ewan in the Scottish highlands next month, on his invitation and they make plans to go rambling and possibly sailing.

What am I looking for? That is the question on everyone’s minds at the moment.  The only one who seems to have any clue is Goran’s ex girlfriend who has found someone to date who is single and looking for a serious relationship – but it is still early days even for them.

a quiet week and even quieter weekend


Last week Amy went out with Ramon on Wednesday evening, and Jan on Thursday.  The date with R was arranged on impulse.  He was going to go away on an epic work trip this weekend and remembered he hadn’t been in touch for ages.  She was happy to see him – they get on like a house on fire.  When he said on greeting her that he had had a very good day, much improved on seeing her (corny, but cute), she teased him that he might find simply getting out of bed was an improvement on remaining in it.   They met at a cinema, watched a film with an abrupt ending (Chronic) and went to a vegetarian Indian.  He walked her to her tube stop at the end of the evening and they kissed their goodbyes.   There was a short exchange of text messaging that was warming but the passion of yesteryear was nowhere to be felt.

Similarly with Jan, who cooked Amy dinner and then they went to a gig with his older brother in tow.  It was friendly and pleasant.  After dropping his brother off they talked into the wee hours over a few drams of Highland Park.  She showed him some pictures of where Thorinn had taken her and then he saw a photo of him.  He went quiet for a bit and  she sensed that he might have felt some discomfiture.  But it was only a fleeting moment and forgotten fairly soon after when they talked about other holiday plans.   He mentioned a motoring holiday on the 500 route in the Scottish Highlands and Amy said that would be great.  They are due to meet up just before she goes away, to another gig, this time in Oxford.  She slept over at his and drove home before the motorway got too busy.

This morning Amy received confirmation from Ewan that he was definitely going to make their date, tentatively arranged for the coming Tuesday.   He’s the only one she’s actually having sex with these days.  Having said that, it has only been twice; but Amy found herself aroused during the exchange of messages, although there was nothing risqué in the to and fro.   And she did not tell him.  He’s only seeing her and a few others because there’s no one else available.  But he is interesting and quite good in bed, and uncomplicated, perhaps because he lives about 500 miles away.

Goran said hello on whatsapp but Amy can sense herself feeling less infatuated.  All the same she immediately archived his messages when they finished their short conversation.  She is fairly certain now that by the time she returns from her holidays in May she would have been inoculated against  him, much like how she is with Michael, Pierre, and Max.

My weekend may be
lonely, but I get to choose
what I do with it