Dating a single dad

The relationship has intensified.  I have met A’s children more often and there had been a plan last week when A arranged that I’d spend some of the school half term holidays with them.  Unfortunately his ex had become unreasonable and threatened to take her life, resulting in the police being called and A having to step in and parent full time.

Of course the emotional well-being of young blameless lives takes precedence.  I am no needy jealous girlfriend and fully appreciate that this may be a permanent scenario.  He had been reluctant in the past to take on the children full time because of course they would have been devastated at losing contact with their mother.  But it has become clear that said mother is in no fit state to healthily parent and after the emotional rollercoaster the children had been through it is now important that A provides them with the stability they sorely need.  It doesn’t mean that A feels less for me or I him, even if in reality we might see less of each other.

He is conscious that when we first set out to date each other he had been a part-time father – having his children one weekday and every other weekend, something like 10-12 days a month.  We had become drawn to each other resulting in tentative discussions of sharing a fuller relationship.  We began to date each other exclusively a month into the beginning and by December last year were spending every free evening with each other – that is, at least 20 evenings and two whole weekends a month.  We are aware that the change in his circumstances means that we will have to revise what we had previously thought was possible.

Do I want to live with a man and his young under 10s?  My own children are practically grown up now, the youngest approaching adulthood this year.  This is a question I cannot fully answer yet.  Do I want to continue to date Alexander?  This is an easy one.  I had not appreciated until the whole thing with his ex came to a head how generous, kind and patient and strong he had been – no matter how unreasonable her behaviour had been, he had never played the blame game.  That may be the reason why she had continued behaving in even more extreme ways each time.

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assuaging curiosity

There’s nothing like fellow bloggers asking nicely how things are after a short hiatus to bring one back to blogging and I return briefly to report that Amy and Alexander are the happiest of stoats in their garden oasis.   Some of the firsts Ellenbest was curious about have already happened and been chronicled here without much fanfare as I hadn’t been conscious of their significance, for example, our first date had occurred not long after our messaging howd’yedos.   I hadn’t accorded it much importance because then we had yet to know how strongly our affections for each other would develop.  A mere drink at a pub in town had gone on to become dinner at a Chinese followed by more drinks at another pub that same evening until the witching hour arrived and we still wanted more of each other.  Feeling quite bold after so many drinks and having shared fairly intimate details of ourselves with each other as people like us tend to do, I invited him back to mine and he accepted with pleasing alacrity.

After that we spent all the free evenings we had with each other, discovering much commonality and enjoying the new each introduced to the other.  He met my family first and eventually I his.

There was the weekend when his mother visited and I was treated to lunch and a walk around the area she’d lived when Alexander was a wee thing.  It was lovely to observe the warm and easy relationship mother and son shared.  She seemed really happy for her son to have me in his life and being single herself too, we exchanged notes on dating.

There was another weekend when it was his turn to have his young children and the meeting with them too had been equally pleasant.

Until now we have yet to experience any tension in the relationship. One day in the future we might live nearer each other or even possibly together, but that is still a long way away.