Getting over the crush

I made the mistake of agreeing that Julius could come back to mine when I should have told him not to.  He’d bought me dinner and I’d felt under an obligation.  In future I should listen to my intuition.  It had been a stressful beginning to the week at work and it had only been Tuesday when we met in the afternoon, initially for an afternoon only date as he had told me that he was seeing one of his old girlfriends in the evening, but then suddenly he said he was free in the evening also and would buy dinner, etc..  I had hoped that it would have been relaxing re-visiting the Soane, especially since they had only opened the kitchens to the public.  But I hadn’t been able to get away straight after work, and with meetings and whatnot it was a struggle even to meet at the appointed time.  In the end I arrived before him and due to the sweltering humidity, decided to descend into the cool of the basement, having sent J a message to say I’d meet him downstairs.

After fifteen minutes I realised he hadn’t received my message and returned outside to find him practically wilting in the heat.  Eventually we both went round the house again and when it closed had an ice cream each at the cafe in the fields.  It cooled down by half six and we decided to walk up towards the Dolphin pub off Judd Street, stopping off at the Ship’s Tavern en route.  Julius had always brought his previous dates to the Dolphin and we enjoyed an authentic Thai meal cooked by a Thai chef.

He didn’t ask me if I was comfortable with him returning to my place with me when the meal ended and I was too tired and  frazzled to be able to coherently broach the subject on my own.  If he had, as he had done in the past, I might have been able to explain why I preferred to be alone.  So, he followed me home and I was cross with myself; try as I did not to appear so, I snapped at him a few times.   For example, I thought him discourteous when he tapped the end of his glasses against my knee to make a point, in disagreement.  Instead of laughing it off, I withdrew my leg.  He immediately apologised which set my teeth on edge!  I felt incredibly unreasonable at my displeasure, which made me resent him even more!

And so I am now reluctant to make another date with him.  He has written to me on various social media apps suggesting various outings, until finally on email I wrote him a considered reply explaining that I had made a few dates with other men but was not keen to see him until the appointed holiday.  I do hope that by not being together, coupled with the anticipation of a break, I might enjoy his company again.  Otherwise, horror of horrors, there’d be two more dates, all the way to November to endure!

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