On Friday evening my diary entry was full of restless misgiving despite trying to be reasonable:-
This August my lover has strenuous work commitments on Mondays and Fridays which means that he is not up to going out for a date either before or on those days. We’re still so new it doesn’t quite bother me and he says he wants to give up this unreasonable rota. All the same I find myself waiting for his replies. We texted each other a little earlier and I wrote a reply to his email to me from last night. But it’s now 11 in the evening and I haven’t heard from him. He has a date with one of his other lovers this weekend and I’m busy anyway being a parent and going out with Max on Sunday so am not too perturbed about this.
I guess eventually this relationship will peter out into something lacklustre as infatuations cannot be sustained. And I really don’t like this feeling of uncertainty when my insecurities are given free reign to imagine that he’s had enough of me.
But then this afternoon I get two emails from him and am uplifted all over again! Especially since one of them contains a little lyric poem which he says he now imagines to be about me –
Upon Julia’s Clothes
by Robert Herrick
Whenas in silks my Julia goes,
Then, then (methinks) how sweetly flows
That liquefaction of her clothes.
Next, when I cast mine eyes, and see
That brave vibration each way free,
O how that glittering taketh me!
Ewan was meant to have made some time for me this month but his summer schedule had got hijacked by his social life – suddenly the Highlands as a tourist destination is proving to be popular and being the warm, generous and hospitable person that he is, is currently playing host to friends arriving a month early. Since I’m suitably distracted by a new suitor (Julius) and flirting with the idea of falling in love again, I haven’t had time to pine for my Highland lover.
Last night he messaged me in a bid to try and re-arrange his visit down south. We make a tentative date for some time mid September. Whether it involves an orgy with another couple depends very much on how keen the other woman is – I’d met her one evening recently – this drinks arrangement organised by her lover whom I had met last year in a threesome. My attitude towards an orgy is very much take it or leave it … which Douglas says is the best way to approach Carrie who came across as flaky, from his descriptions and that one meeting with her. According to Douglas I’d made a good impression – from my choice of venue to the way we all got along. I thought it helped that she’d brought her adorable rescue mutt along. I suggested that we have another drinks how-d’e’do, this time with Ewan in tow when he’s next in town. This got the thumbs up from Douglas.
Meanwhile, the dating app continued to generate potential dates and I have one lined up one day next week. He is a 97% match and I have dated a sufficient number of these to expect him to be no different to the educated, creative, urbane types I’ve met, some of whom still remain friends or lovers. Despite my head being currently turned by Julius I’m still hoping to find a mutual spark with this new man – which should steady any attachment neediness that always seems to accompany falling in love.