agony aunt

24th May 2016

Dear Sally

Hot on the heels of an impromptu date with Jan on Sunday evening was one with a lovelorn Goran on Monday evening.  I was curious to hear how his love affair with NW was shaping and caught him in a state of desolation – NW was playing cold over the weekend after a hot midweek date.  Still he made a valiant effort to cheer up and took me out for dinner at The Modern Pantry in Clerkenwell before a pint of science event –  the second presentation was the more interesting of the two talks.

Walking back Goran suggested that we might repeat the dinner date at some point in the future.  At the end of the evening he kissed me goodbye at the entrance to my tube stop and I was mildly disappointed that he hadn’t asked to come back with me.   Still, he was in love with someone else and I was only currently filling a need he had for attention.  Living so far apart from each other, I tell myself that I should just let him go.

The previous evening when I had gone up to his, Jan had hinted that we might live together.  We are both also fairly similar in our general outlook but I am not sure whether he would be a good or reliable partner for me.  Still it has made me begin to think about simplifying my life.  He had rather unromantically invited me to have sex with him and so I asked him to kiss me first, which he did.  We ended up in bed for a lovely romp – is it our first this year?   I am very fond of him but continue to have doubts about living with anyone.

Well, so maybe I won’t go out on the second date with Sergei, and maybe I’ll stop seeing Goran altogether.  It still leaves Ewan and Liam, who are both fairly nice men.  My reason for seeing Ewan is purely selfish.  He lives in a part of Scotland I’m curious about.


Last night Sergei cancelled our date and I put him off postponing it to next week.  He tentatively suggested the following week and I was noncommittal in my response.  In any event I felt neither disappointed nor relieved, although to be honest, perhaps a bit of the latter because I had considered cancelling it myself.

Ewan responds to my whatsapp messages with pleasing alacrity – but when he called me last night to chat, I was reminded again how long-winded he could be and considered that I was being uncharitable in my reaction.

Jan canvassed my opinion on a work-related drama amongst a few of his colleagues and I felt happy that he did so.  What with playing agony aunt to both him and Goran at the present I wonder if I have burnt my romantic chances with them, not quite regretting so much the consequence with the latter as with the former.  I invited Jan to mine this evening but he declined regretfully, citing work commitments.  ah well. que sera


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