agony aunt

24th May 2016

Dear Sally

Hot on the heels of an impromptu date with Jan on Sunday evening was one with a lovelorn Goran on Monday evening.  I was curious to hear how his love affair with NW was shaping and caught him in a state of desolation – NW was playing cold over the weekend after a hot midweek date.  Still he made a valiant effort to cheer up and took me out for dinner at The Modern Pantry in Clerkenwell before a pint of science event –  the second presentation was the more interesting of the two talks.

Walking back Goran suggested that we might repeat the dinner date at some point in the future.  At the end of the evening he kissed me goodbye at the entrance to my tube stop and I was mildly disappointed that he hadn’t asked to come back with me.   Still, he was in love with someone else and I was only currently filling a need he had for attention.  Living so far apart from each other, I tell myself that I should just let him go.

The previous evening when I had gone up to his, Jan had hinted that we might live together.  We are both also fairly similar in our general outlook but I am not sure whether he would be a good or reliable partner for me.  Still it has made me begin to think about simplifying my life.  He had rather unromantically invited me to have sex with him and so I asked him to kiss me first, which he did.  We ended up in bed for a lovely romp – is it our first this year?   I am very fond of him but continue to have doubts about living with anyone.

Well, so maybe I won’t go out on the second date with Sergei, and maybe I’ll stop seeing Goran altogether.  It still leaves Ewan and Liam, who are both fairly nice men.  My reason for seeing Ewan is purely selfish.  He lives in a part of Scotland I’m curious about.

25/5

Last night Sergei cancelled our date and I put him off postponing it to next week.  He tentatively suggested the following week and I was noncommittal in my response.  In any event I felt neither disappointed nor relieved, although to be honest, perhaps a bit of the latter because I had considered cancelling it myself.

Ewan responds to my whatsapp messages with pleasing alacrity – but when he called me last night to chat, I was reminded again how long-winded he could be and considered that I was being uncharitable in my reaction.

Jan canvassed my opinion on a work-related drama amongst a few of his colleagues and I felt happy that he did so.  What with playing agony aunt to both him and Goran at the present I wonder if I have burnt my romantic chances with them, not quite regretting so much the consequence with the latter as with the former.  I invited Jan to mine this evening but he declined regretfully, citing work commitments.  ah well. que sera

Amy

These men

Back after her travels, the spring warmth greeted Amy and so did Jan, the first one to sleep over the first day she got back and they spent the following day rambling the vale and lunched at the Brew House in Kenwood.  After platonic farewell kisses she spends the weekend in the company of Michael.

Of an evening Amy continues to text chat with Ewan and Goran.  A new man, Sergei makes a date with her for Monday evening and Goran on Wednesday.   The time out has mended her broken heart and they fall into an easy, less frequent to and fro.  He tells her that he has recently fallen unsuitably in love and talked out of making a fool of himself by his wife.  The story of his complicated relationships continue and I am glad that Amy got out of that drama without too many scars.

She got in touch with Liam who arranges to meet up again the following Tuesday.  So these are some of the men in her life now.

18 May 2016

Shagged by two different and not so different Dutchmen, both married, indulging in some extramarital, one openly and the other surreptitiously.  Young men continue to write to Amy, her profile now challenges the men to step up, but no one really has.

Liam took her out for a film and dinner, they shared the bill, like the feminists they are.  He took her up to his office, on the top floor of an eleven storey building and they kiss there.  He was quite turned on, as was Amy, and even though he asked if she wanted to spend the night with him, she turned him down.  They make another date for the end of the month and I wonder what might happen.

Amy bought a ticket to go up and see Ewan in the Scottish highlands next month, on his invitation and they make plans to go rambling and possibly sailing.

What am I looking for? That is the question on everyone’s minds at the moment.  The only one who seems to have any clue is Goran’s ex girlfriend who has found someone to date who is single and looking for a serious relationship – but it is still early days even for them.

A letter to …

Inspired by a piece in one of the weekend pull outs I recall that week I spent with Alan sailing in the Whitsundays, just the two of us because his wife had a deal she needed to close, and none of my friends was able to book a break on those dates.  It was an adrenaline filled adventure and the sunsets each evening were breathtaking.  We would spend every evening, having anchored off in a quiet cove, with a few cold beers and catch up on the last four decades.  

We had grown up next door to each other and then gone our separate ways before our teens, several continents apart.  It was one of his sisters who got us in touch again and initially I’d assumed his whole family was coming on the trip until I realised that in fact it was just going to be the two of us.  We fell into an easy camaraderie from the very beginning.  I was determined for us not to become a cliche – the one where the divorcee was an easy desperate target for the married man.  So it was friendly and platonic and we worked well together skippering a forty footer sloop.

A few beers one star gazing night however, when the moon was late in its rising and the night sky was black as black so that every star shone and twinkled in their brightness our defences slipped a little.  He was a self taught astronomer and keen to share his knowledge, I a willing pupil and looking through eye glasses, swapping some of them between us.  It all led inevitably to a settling down on cushions on the deck, lying side by side to ease the unfamiliar ache on our necks, especially mine.  His hand brushed mine and turning towards me I was aware what was going to happen the same second he kissed me full on my lips.  It felt warm, soft and not unappealing.  Fortunately I was not too drunk in the moment and stopped us from going further.  I asked him if his wife was aware, if by any chance they had an open marriage, somehow intuiting that this was not the case and sure enough his response was in the negative.  

Perhaps he had merely wanted a dalliance, curious as to what sex between us would be like.  But I couldn’t take the risk of breaking up his happy middle class family.  I’d already met his wife and I was certain that his sister would never forgive me or herself should it come to that, since it was through her that we had met up again.   Somehow I managed to convince him of all this, citing my own dreadful experience of trust irretrievably broken due to a misapprehension from a midlife crisis and subsequent divorce.  It wasn’t the time to say that one can survive a divorce, that now my ex husband and I enjoy a better relationship than before.

He respected my response but I couldn’t help wondering for the rest of the holiday and later,  what it might have been like if we had slept together.  And whether I would have allowed either of us to have let ourselves get carried away emotionally. Having tried to have a year of NSA sex last year I know that I eventually do let my emotions get the better of me and would only be deceiving myself that I was just enjoying a purely physical relationship.