We made an impromptu date to see the rest of Lumiere London last night and at the end of it, on a whim, I asked Ramon back to mine. The bedding ritual began with warm kisses and very loving caresses and I am reminded of a time (the blog entry refers to Ramon as T) a year and a half ago when I felt romanced and thought I was what he wanted. It turned out that he couldn’t quite forget the one who got away and we parted ways. I never really found out who she was apart from a reminder he had had imprinted on his body. When we met up again last year he was in the process of having it tattooed over and seemed to want to re-start our romance. So much of his past remained a mystery and I am cautious about misreading the signs. So much has also happened in my dating and my ideas of love and relationships.
Before falling asleep he gave me an account of his love affair with this mystery woman, let’s call her Helene. She had a small child and a very jealous husband. In the end she chose her duty as a mother over Ramon and when we began dating he was still clinging on to the hope that there may yet be a chance for them together were she to be miraculously freed. At the time I was still seeing Jan and we had had the occasional friends with benefits moment which Ramon had become aware of but was keen to point out that he had no objection to, and especially not to my dating others for his own reasons, which at the time I’d thought meant he was doing the same.
I tend to think that despite his philandering ways he is an honourable man and is not intending to play fast and loose with my heart. All the same I am hesitant about the future of this relationship. In the middle of the night I dreamt of fantastical catacombs and a picnic which featured my late father, my ex-husband Michael and Ramon. In the dream I introduced Ramon to my father and they seemed to get on well before my father made a quick exit, giving as his excuse a need to take his heart medication. When I awoke it was morning but we remained in bed until almost midday.
There’s a lightness in my step as I feel the possibilities of what may come and want to hurry time into the future to see where this leads to. But all good things come to those who wait. I only hope that I will have the courage to take delivery when life offers me another chance at love.