This heart

yes it is a foolish old thing and never seems to learn.  Goran is just for fun, they all are.  Amy is slowly beginning to reach that conclusion and realisation that the only constant is herself.

Not many days ago she hadn’t wanted to meet up with Goran and told him as much the day before.  It wasn’t meant to be a test but he cycled up to see her and then at the end of the afternoon she drove him and his bike home with the dog in the backseat – to meet his son and ex-girl friend who had been babysitting earlier.  She’s sweet and seems kind, if a little kooky.  His son is adorable of course.  They were both leaving the next day to meet Mrs Goran (who had driven ahead on a road trip across Europe with her boyfriend) for the new year and rest of the holidays.  So they said their goodbyes that evening.

Meanwhile, at half past 4 the following afternoon Amy went back to the online dating website and created a new profile – or rather filled one out – the new girl is called Louellalynn, looks fun and flirty, sounds witty, sparky and wholesome – what thinking man if he’s out there wouldn’t date her?

Someone, let’s call him Jeremy from Cambridge started chatting to her almost as soon as the ink was dry as it were – he seemed interesting, mature and they swapped phone numbers.   There had also been a few salacious exchanges with younger men that evening and the following morning she took Louellalynn’s profile down.

She went round to Jan’s last night for dinner with him and his young sons and then drove home at 1am.  He told her that he was beginning to feel less enamoured of his new woman.  Although it sounds like they got very familiar and comfortable around each other very quickly.  Before Amy left they gave each other a warm hug and kiss goodbye.

Getting to a place of peace and tranquility gradually has been the goal, now with the realisation that these men are just friends, some with more sexual fun than others – Goran mainly on this front and Jan and Ramon to a lesser extent and not at all with Liam these days.  The experience was not too comfortable the last time.  Just for today, she feels happy not to be chatting anyone else up.  There’s a quiet sense of calm, a stillness that seems finally willing to remain pinned down.

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