A few days have passed to mull over these relationships. Jan invited me to a meal at his local last weekend – of course he didn’t mention that some of his friends would be there – people I’d met at his birthday bash about a month ago. We were merry after the outing, walked back to his and watched a bit of TV together and then he kissed me and one thing led to another and for the first time in a long while we did more than just fall asleep in the same bed. He made me coffee the next morning and I came home after that. Will we be able to survive a holiday spent in each other’s company for eight days and nights?

And then there was the date with Goran when he’d come back from his family weekend break slightly in the wars having needed 10 stitches in his shin after it clashed with a piece of metal on his garden shed. He was rather the worse for wear and we stayed in and watched some John Oliver. I was going to make us dinner and when he said surprise me I’d rather taken him up on it and surprised the both of us by putting together a rather decent Vietnamese salad based solely on my dining experiences. I think he was fairly impressed by my culinary intuitiveness. Earlier in the week there had been a possibility that he might have postponed the date but when he was alerted to the fact that I might be making arrangements to meet someone else instead he had rather quickly confirmed our date.

Goran and I have been messaging each other over whatsapp almost daily. It’s occasionally salacious but more often than not mere genial exchanges. I puzzle over what we are to each other. Why won’t he sleep with anyone else? He says he’s still very much physically attracted to an ex-girlfriend who he still sees but who has foresworn intimate relations in the hope that the love of her life (another married man) makes an honest woman of her. I look back at our exchanges which go as far back as mid March this year. He is going away for a fortnight on a family holiday but tells me that he would continue to stay in touch. I am not used to the attention and am a little flattered.

Last night I met Ramon and we had another of our movie and dinner dates, this time in the West End. While waiting for the film to start he’d shown me a picture of his arm tattoo in the process of having the one symbolic of an old girlfriend – the one who had got away – covered. What am I to make of that – is it significant that he is in the process of getting over her? At the end of the date he kissed me on the lips which was rather lovely but with all that has passed between us I wonder again what the point of this was.


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